This is the opening to my first book, CAMP: a memoir manifesto of the summer camp generation. It is set to hit the bookshelves whenever I finish it and can find someone crazy enough to publish it. Here is the opening of the book as it stands right now...enjoy...

"When I was in second grade, my mother sent me to an all day sports camp. The rec-center near our home in Ann Arbor, Michigan did a yearly camp providing a general rinse education to the town’s youth on how to play all different kinds of sports. All kids were welcome, regardless of their athletic ability, or desire to play sports, or even their desire to attend the camp. I for one, who had already chosen baseball as my sport and was already playing it competitively by that age, was not excited about going. This is the first real memory I have of summer camp.
Upon showing up to camp I was placed in a group two years ahead with the fourth graders. Being born at eleven pounds, eleven ounces, I always was much bigger then all the other kids my age, and this being a sports camp, they thought it was safest if I was kids more my size. Truth was, even at the fourth grade level, I was still one of the biggest, and being forced into an age group where I knew no one did not do much to improve my attitude about camp. Nor did the fact that baseball was not even offered at the camp. To my disappointment, slow pitch softball and kickball were the closest I would get to exercising my true talents.

At the end of each day, campers were taken to the indoor pool to go swimming. It was treated as somewhat of a reward by most of the counselors. But to me, it was just another reminder of my inferior age. Because I was younger then the other kids, they had all already passed the necessary swim test allowing them to swim in the deep end, while I only qualified for shallow swimming. The lifeguards, however, did not realize that I was much younger then everyone else, and I was not about to call attention to the fact. So, I was left with a choice, endure the humiliation of standing alone in the shallow end with my float-ies, or take my chances in deeper waters.

To this day, I still don’t fully understand why I chose the deep end. I can just imagine my mind screaming, “No! No! You idiot!” as I shuffled to the edge of the pool. But my heart was set on being just like everyone else, and I took it upon myself to take a leap of faith, hoping that in the half second before I hit the water that I would magically learn to swim. In the moments that followed, two sets of hopes were dashed. If you didn’t guess already, I did not magically learn to swim. And as I hit the water and immediately began screaming and flailing, everyone in the pool, or perhaps everyone in the greater Ann Arbor area, discovered that I was indeed younger then the rest of the campers. Because of my hysteria, I had to be pulled out of the water by two female life guards and examined by the rec-center EMS (Emergency Medical Services). The feeling of drowning was terrible, but compared the humiliation I felt afterward, I may have been willing to negotiate a trade.

Why did I jump in the deep end knowing I couldn’t swim? I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that people, including myself, have done crazier things in hopes of being accepted into the crowd. For the rest of the week however, I was not allowed to be part of the crowd as I was forced to stay, humiliated and alone, in the shallow end of the pool. My worst nightmare had come true, save for the float-ies." 

As a young actor about to head off into the dark, cruel, real world of the American theatre, I have often wrestled with the old adage above. “You don’t have to go into ministry to do ministry.” I know this to be true of course, and I have seen and heard about many examples of this in my life, but very few hit as close to home as this last week did.

This past week, my college roommate, and one of my best and strongest brothers in Christ took the stage as Jack Kelly in Broadway’s new hit musical, Newsies. Not only that, but I was lucky enough to win the ticket lottery and see him perform in his first evening performance as a Broadway star. Out of probably one hundred names, my name was chose. The Lord was smiling on me that day.

I sat in the audience and marveled at what a rare feat this was for a young actor, to have only graduated college three months prior, and now to be headlining one of Broadway’s hottest shows. This is not something that happens everyday, or ever for that matter. From the start I had a feeling that the Lord was doing something really special, although I was unable to see how at the time.

During the performance, I sat next to his fiancé and we began talking about what a wild ride this has been. She began to explain to me, as silly as it sounds, how much his Twitter account had been blowing up with followers over the past week. In just one week, he had gained nearly 1,000 followers on Twitter. For Kanye West, this is a normal day, but for a kid from Ohio who just got out of college, this is crazy. At first, I simply viewed this as a cool statistic about how popular my friend was getting. But then, as I stood outside after the show watching him sign autographs, I began to realize the spiritual implications of what was going on here.

Every night, when he takes the stage in front of over 1,000 people at the Nederlander Theater, he is gaining influence. In our culture that is overly saturated with negative news media and social media, he has the chance to be a positive force in those mediums. He has the opportunity to be a positive role model for the young actors who come and see the show. He can tweet Bible verses that go out to more and more people each day. He is now a leader in the Broadway community, and therefore, one of the more influential people in all of New York.

The sheer potential for influence that began to flood my mind was almost too much to handle, and as I watched my brother sign autographs and take pictures, I realized that the Lord could not have picked a better person for the job. His ability to meet people, and talk with them, and make then feel comfortable and loved is truly a gift that the Lord has given him, and now he has the ability, and responsibility to exercise it on a much larger scale.

This testimony was an answer to prayer for me, showing that we all have a place to serve people on their journey towards Christ. Some are presenters of the Gospel, and some are simply meant to be influential and grab the attention of the masses, while others are meant to grab the attention of an individual. We all have a different place to serve and a different calling to fulfill. The Lord has callings to give out and favor to bestow, now if only His people would open their hearts to receive their anointing, and run to fulfill their mission.

Go see NEWSIES!

-jon

Sometimes it is so clear when God orchestrates something on our lives, or someone. Very few places have I experienced this more powerfully then at camp. I view it like this. Each one of us, as a child of God plays a different melody with the lives we lead. Our differing strengths and gifts and the way we relate to one another provide the instruments needed in order to create this melody. And out there, all over the universe there are billions of other melodies walking around, and God as the divine orchestrator will bring our melody in line with another to create a beautiful harmony, so that our life creates a dynamic, sweetly blissful opus that not only is a blessing to others, but it brings glory to God.

There was one summer where this happened to me unmistakably. I showed up to high school camp one summer already knowing every single camper on my team, except for one girl, we’ll call her Jamie. Jamie was a sweet girl, shy, with beautifully circular eyes. We met one another, and for some reason, I had the hardest time for the whole first day remembering her name, so I made it a point to always say hello to her whenever I saw her.

I cam to find during the audition process that she was a talented dancer as well, and when we were casting late one night it came down to deciding between her and one other girl for the final spot in the ‘specialty dance’ group, a group that would spend almost all of their rehearsal time with me.

The specialty dance is always one of my favorite parts about camp. I get to work with eight to twelve of the most talent dancers in camp, it’s a great artistic and ministry opportunity that you don’t get with the larger groups of twenty or bigger.

While we were casting, we originally made the decision to go with the other girl, who I knew from years previous, so I thought she would be a safer choice. But then, right before I got up to go to bed, the director told me that she needed the girl we had just cast for a different role in the show. So we made the adjustment, and at the last second, Jamie was added to my group, making sure that we would spend almost all our rehearsal time with one another for the rest of the week.

As the week went on, Jamie and I continued to run into one another. On Tuesday night, the counselors threw a dance. But not any normal dance, normal dances are not allowed at camp. This dance was a surprise wedding reception for a lucky chosen bride and groom. We sent to campers to change, and us counselors scrambled to set up lights, streamers, music, and a dance floor, as well as choosing the wedding party, planning the schedule for the reception, and of course, creating an entire wedding slide show, complete with Photoshopped Facebook photos of the “bride and groom” and their happy relationship together up to this point.

As you may have already guessed, Jamie was chosen as our bride, and because she was on my team, I was to play part of “father of the bride”. I gave a speech telling about Jamie’s birth story, and we shared a daddy daughter dance, during which I told her how proud I was of the woman she had become. It was hilarious, and one of the most fun dances I have ever been to. But little did I know, the words I spoke to Jamie during I dance, while playing the part at the time, I would truly mean them later in the week.

Rehearsal continued, and as I got to know the girls in my group, I discovered that all of them had been training in dance class for quite some time, all of them, except for Jamie. As we were learning choreography, I noticed that Jamie was having some trouble. She had all the ability she needed to do the moves, but she would allow herself to be psyched out if she were to miss even one step. After one rehearsal I took her aside and I said, “Are you intimidated?” Clearly mercy is not one of my gifts, but she looked at me as if she knew exactly what I was talking about.

“No,” she said, I’m just completely insecure about pretty much everything.” Her tone was matter of fact, and completely without emotion, as if this was a state she had been living in for a while.

“Well you shouldn’t be,” I told her, “You can do all of these moves just as well, if not better then everyone else on that stage. You’re good, and it’s beautiful when you do it. Don’t beat yourself up if you get one step wrong.”

I could tell this meant a lot to her, and that she may have been in the verge of tears, so we both did our best to finish our exchange for she was not one who liked to cry in front of people, and I was not one to comfort, another gift that is admittedly not my strongest.

The stage was then set for Thursday night, the last night of camp, most commonly referred to by counselors as faith night, and more commonly referred to by campers as crying night. I was to be giving the salvation message and I was going to tie it in with feet washing and planting ourselves in the living water of Jesus.

Now first of all, God moved in incredible ways that night, I saw and heard the Holy Spirit physically and tangibly in others. I heard people encouraging one another and praying for one another in ways that I knew were beyond our earthly capabilities. While viewing all of this, at one point I looked over and I saw a young girl who seemed to be weeping with exceeding passion. The only reason this sight struck me so hard was because I had looked over at this girl only five minutes before, and she had been totally fine, the only difference now, was the Jamie sat behind her, laying her hands on the girls back, and was praying for her.

It was at this moment that I began to see the orchestrations of our loving God. I saw her mouth moving at a frenzied speed, that, along with the other girl’s emotional reaction only could be explained in my mind by one thing, Jamie had received the gift of intercessory prayer, a gift that I myself have been given from time to time.

I soon turned away and began to pray and talk with other campers who needed a place to let go of their burdens, and about twenty minutes later I turned and Jamie was standing right in front of me. It took only a moment of our eyes locking before the water in her eyes boiled over into a full sob.

“I don’t feel worthy to have anyone wash my feet,” she said, “I try so hard, and I want to love God more, but there is no way that I could live up to the Christian standard.”

My heart broke as I heard this, yet I felt God place a very simple, beautiful answer on my heart for her. “None of us are worthy enough to have our feet washed,” I said, “But Jesus desires to do it anyway, not only because He loves us, but so He can plant us in that love.”

“And as for this ‘Christian standard’, the only standard that any Christian is held to is that we love God and accept His free gift of grace.” The standard is not to be perfect, the standard is to accept your natural imperfection and accept the gift of perfection through the grace of Jesus Christ. These were obviously the Spirit’s words in me and not my own. I have never been very eloquent in my speech.

I relayed this to her, and I could still sense her hesitancy. So I continued, “Here is what we’re gonna do,” I said, “I have not washed any feet tonight. And I would be humbled and honored, if your feet were the only ones I washed.”

From there the two of us walked over to the baths together and I washed her feet with tears streaming down both of our faces. I’m not sure if it was as clear to her as it was to me, but I was realizing in that moment that God had set us up specifically to meet one another. He had been orchestrating our lives in just the right way so that when our two melodies collided, we would create a beautiful worship hymn to his great glory. He’s doing it all the time, we just have to open our eyes to see it, cause when we do, He will open our ears to enjoy the music.


-jon

I begin with this title hoping to peak your curiosity. Truth be told, there is not much talk about sperm on a Christian blog, or any blog for that matter. It stems from a sermon I once heard from author Tony Campolo,  while talking to teenagers he used an illustration that went something like this…

Did you ever want to see what a sperm looks like all grown up? Then look at yourself in the mirror. Yes, the truth is hard, but at one point in our lives we were all once a sperm. Not only that, but we were one in five million sperm. And there was a race down a long dark tunnel. And there was an egg at the finish line. And you won! It was you against five million and you came through with the victory! You made the Olympics look like nothing!

And as funny as it is, it is also science, and it is also God’s plan. We hear all of these amazing stories about people when they were born, how because of one rare disease or another they had a two percent chance to live and they came through. We look at these people and say, well, they really must be here for a reason. But what about the fact that all of us, each and every one of us, had a one in five million chance of being born and we came through? What about that? What about the fact that each and every one of us is a divine miracle?

Some people may try and say that things were just random, and maybe that is true, but it is not what I believe. You know what I believe? You are not a mistake, you are not here by accident. Think about it, if your mother had a headache that night, you might not even be here today. (Think about that one, you’ll get it later)

Don’t try and tell me that your life is a mistake because the chances were so low, the deck was completely stacked against you and still, somehow, you can through. And not only somehow, but for some reason, and I believe it was for a reason, a very specific reason. And the Lord confirms this truth in Jeremiah chapter one when he tells the prophet, “before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and set you apart and appointed you”.

For Jeremiah, that appointment was to be a prophet among the nations. But for you, and for me, and for all of us, there is no telling what that appointment is. But what we do know is that for you, and for me, and for all of us, there is an appoint. There is a divine appoint that God has placed upon your life, no matter who you are, and your responsibility, and the reason you are here is to discover that divine appointment, and to devote your life to following and fulfilling it.

When you can commit yourself to doing that, I believe you will see God begin to work powerfully in your life. Because the other great thing about your divine calling is that God does not just pick us out from the sperm pool, choose the calling, and then leave us on our own. The Lord desires for you to find your calling so that He can partner with you in creating a better world. He desires for His Holy Spirit to dwell within us and to work through us in order to do His redemptive work in this world. He is active, He is moving, and He is in love with his children, desiring what’s best for them.

I wrote something a few summers ago for camp. That summer, I felt that the Lord was calling me to storm the hearts of these students and take back their identities for the Lord. In process of praying about how to go about that, the Lord breathed two spoken word pieces into my heart, one for the boys, and one for the girls. They have since become infamous, at least among the hundred or so people who own them, as a source of encouragement for those who are struggling with their purpose or their self worth, and I would like to share them with you now.

I share these words with you, knowing that they are meant to be spoken, but I pray that as you read them and pray over them that the Holy Spirit would speak them into your heart and that you would know without a shadow of a doubt that this is exactly who the Lord has made you to be, no matter who you think you are. Even when you were a tiny sperm, the Lord looked in a school of five million and He point you out and said, “I want this one. I choose you.”
(click on the link below to see the poems)

GUYS

GIRLS

-jon

I have seen God’s fingerprints very powerfully in my life lately through an opening of my eyes and hyper awareness to answered prayer. He has shown Himself not only to be real, but to be loving and active. I think a lot of us believe that God is loving, that is a common Christian conviction. But I think a significantly less number of us believe that God is active, that He is working and orchestrating in every moment. After all, Psalm 107 reminds us well that “His loves endures forever”. The verb endures is in a present form, meaning that it still is moving and enduring and active. Upon noticing this new sensitivity to God’s presence and movement in the world, I began to ask myself how and why I have become so much more aware then I ever have before, that question is what I will attempt to answer here.

I would like to believe that a lot of Christians believe in God’s love and they want so desperately to begin to see his love and strength and power working actively in their lives, and yet, we are most often left in the stands, watching and hearing about God moving in the world as if it were a spectator sport. But to be a part of God moving in the world, to be a part of His activity, the bringing forth of His Kingdom, we cannot be spectators, we must be players in the most serious of ways. We must step out in faith and begin to follow the dream or the calling that God has placed on our heart. When we begin to do that, we are drawing ourselves closer to His heart, and closer into an awareness of His presence.

Now, this is something we have heard before, that “God has a plan for your life”. And it is true, we find it to be true in the book of Jeremiah that “before you were in the womb, God knew you, and set you apart”. We believe that God has amazing things to do through us, and we even offer ourselves up for Him to do them, but we are missing a step I think, and it’s a tricky one, but an important one.

In order to truly see God’s fingerprints in your life, and begin to see day by day what his plan is for your life, you need to put God to the test, and renew your mind. If we want to see God do amazing things, we need to begin to ask Him to do them, and we need to ask for them specifically. When we ask God for something, when we come before Him everyday with our pleas, He will hear us and He will answer them. But we must dare to ask specifically, or we may miss the answer.

For example, if I were the pastor of a church, I could ask God to bless my ministry. That is a great prayer, and over the years I may be able to say that God as generally answered that prayer. I could pray that prayer, or I could pray that God would bring 500 news members to my church over the next six months. This is putting God to the test, it is not say, well Lord, if you really are powerful, prove it. It is saying, God, I believe that you have the power to make this happen, and I want to see you move, cause when you do I will use this testimony to bring you glory. Begin to ask the Lord to place specific prayers on your heart, because it is much easier to see His fingerprints when we pray specifically.

The next step after the prayer, is to begin to renew our minds, so that He may reveal to us the answers He has for us. Romans 12 tells us that we must commit ourselves to the renewing of our minds so that we may discern His good and perfect will. As you renew your mind, you will not only find your eyes more open to God’s answers to prayer, but you will find more confidence and prompting for the specifics of your prayers.

God is moving, but it is hard to see his from a static position, we need to begin to move with Him by praying specifically and renewing our minds, and then perhaps we will see 2 Chronicles 16:9 come true as the Lord shows himself strong and active our behalf.


-jon

The 24 Hour Musical is the ultimate musical theatre challenge in which a musical is announced, rehearsed, teched, and performed all within a 24 hour period. This past Saturday marked the performance of the second annual 24 Hour Musical for me and a group of other young Christians, but the planning for both the show and the event had been in the works for months.

This year, I had felt God putting the finances of the event on my heart. He gave me a number way back in February or March, that number was 5,000. $5,000 to give away to Living Water International in order to build a fresh water well in an area that does not have access to clean water. I asked the producer of the event what his donations goal was, without telling him the number God had given me. He told me that he hadn’t thought much about it, but he threw out a number anyway, guess what the number was, 5,000. Maybe it was foolish, but I took that as a confirmation.

I began to pray for that $5,000 every single day. I asked God that He would provide the money so that we could help to provide physical justice to people who were living abroad in squalor, and so that we might bring Him glory through our testimony of His provision.

As the project date crept closer however, the cost of the actual event was continuing to raise, and not very much fund raising money was coming in. Many others were beginning to doubt the possibility of actually raising $5,000 if we were already struggling to cover our costs. I continued to pray however, wrestling with thoughts of foolishness, standing on the promise God had given me.

By the time the week of the event arrived, I don’t think there was a single person who truly believed that in this economy we could raise $5,000 in donations at an event that attracts only 600 people, most of which are middle class families with many small children. It seemed as though everyone was a doubter, and even I had my moments, but that prayer kept popping up in my mind, so I would continue to circling, praying that God would come through.

During the event, time was obviously of the essence, but I tried to grab every extra spare opportunity I could to pray for the upcoming harvest. I did a few prayer walks around the building, and as the seats were filling up in the auditorium I was almost more excited to see what God was going to do out in the lobby more then I was excited to see what the performers were going to do on stage.

The first act was coming to close, the actors were doing wonderfully, when one of our event volunteers came over and whispered to me that we were already at $2,700. That made my Spirit do a bit of jump, but then I realized that donations probably weren’t going to double during intermission and after the show. People usual come to something like this and make their donation right away. Then God reminded me, just keep praying, and so I did. I sat in the back of the auditorium during the end of act one and I prayed for God to fill up that donation basket.

Two hour later I had the heart stopping pleasure of standing near the tech booth and listening to our show director announce that we had indeed reached $5,000, right on the button, exactly. I was overcome to the point of tears at how God had provided regardless of the circumstance.

Now I do not believe that because I prayed God gave the money, I don’t have that kind of power, no way. But I do believe that God delivers to those who are persistent in His will. I believed that He had promised $5,000, and so I persisted in that, not with as much strength as a I should have, against the odds, with the promise that if He did, that I would use the testimony of His provision to bring Him glory, that I would tell the story about when he came through in the clutch, down to the last dollar.

So brothers and sisters, I write to let you know that there is a God out there who is not only still capable of miracles, but is still performing them every day, and when we begin to listen to prayer persistently for those miracles, we can become a part of them ourselves, and then our story, your story, will be a story that bring glory to God for all time. Amen. 


-jon

“And he shall be like a tree planted by rivers of water, which bringeth forth fruit in it’s season, and does not wither.”  -Psalm 1:3

In the Gospel of John, chapter 13, Jesus gets on his hands and knees and washes His disciples feet. This is one of the ultimate acts of humility in the history of the human race, Jesus, God in the flesh, washing the feet of sinful fisherman and tax collectors. It’s craziness and this chapter is the poster child for sermons on humility and service. But one summer as I was studying the verse above and this story in the same day, I made a connection that had slipped passed me before.

When Jesus washes Peter’s feet, Peter has a hard time accepting this gift of service. In response Jesus says to him, “Unless I wash you, you have no part of me.” Jesus is washing his disciples feet not only as a cultural act of humility, but so that they, and we will become a part of Him.

What does this mean, to be ‘part of Jesus’? That is when Psalm 1 popped into my head. To be part of Jesus is to be planted, like a tree, in the living water of His truth. So what Jesus is doing when He washes His disciples feet is He’s covering their feet, their roots, their very foundation, He is physically setting them in water. Because He knows that when they are planted in Him, the true source of life, they will never wither.

So then when we, as disciples of Christ, plant ourselves in His truth, He becomes our life source, the source that is feeding our roots and setting a strong foundation. So that in times of spiritual drought, or when tornados come, our roots have not only grown deep in the truth of Christ, but we are constantly being fed regardless of life’s circumstances.

This is why regardless of my surroundings or circumstances, I will strive to stand in the water.


-jon

"So to begin my little "story" I grew up in a strong catholic household. I went to Sunday school every week and had religious education classes up until my confirmation every year. I never thought about my faith in Christ , I was just raised with it. I did what was needed for each religious milestone and thought I was the perfect catholic. Then I started going to church with friends who were Christian, which I thought was the same thing and catholic but is actually really different sometimes. I liked how it wasn’t so traditional but I was still getting the whole Godly affect. Then as I started getting older I started actually thinking about if I actually believed in God. My group of friends were so against religion and they were pulling me in one direction while my head was telling me that I knew God had to be there. In seventh grade my grandma passed and I really took it hard. I was so obsessed with being perfect to make it easier on my parents. I was constantly stressed about school and social life and then my weight. I was counting calories, skipping meals, and I lost a lot of weight. I still didn't think I was thin enough to be considered perfect and I would throw up anything I ate. In eighth grade I was sent to a psychiatrics ward for thoughts of suicide and bulimia. I was so upset with God. I was wondering "If he's there for me why would he do this?" I started believing my friends that he wasn't there. It was cool to swear, it was cool to drink, it was cool to go through guys like they were unlimited, it was cool to say you weren't a virgin, it was cool to be accepted for rebelling against God. And it was great for the longest time. I went to CYT camp every summer since 3rd grade, but I stopped listening to the religious part. Once I got to overnight camp, it was impossible to ignore. Each year I started realizing I have to clean up my act. Every year it would fail, but I kept getting closer. This past summer (my 3rd year) during the faith talk, I just sat and prayed and prayed. I said "please God I am so, so sorry I left you, and I want to come back home". And I could swear to you, I felt someone put their hands on mine and say "It's okay. You're forgiven and you can come home". It sounds like the cheesiest thing but I claim it as my God moment. From someone who went 4 years believing there was no God and being so against the mainstream Christian, I am once again a strong believer. I have rededicated my life to Christ and I can already feel a difference. Down the road, it won't matter how many friends you had, who you were dating or having sex with, or how "perfect" you were. Your life has no purpose if you're not living for God. I might not be the right person to be saying that but it's what I believe and I am so excited to reunite with God and start living the way he intended me to."

         The week before camp I had another camp where I was the counselor for foster kids and giving them a week to have the life of a normal kid. It was super God filled and touching and it was so hard leaving, very emotional and heartbreaking to the max. Anyways, during my first camp (the foster kid one) I kept asking God to let me feel the EXACT pain He feels towards His hurting children, and I had felt it all week. So coming back was super challenging and I did NOT want to go to High school Camp at all.
         So I get to camp Monday and I was just very to myself and not wanting to do anything. And throughout that whole day I would start tearing up and getting emotional because I was still feeling the pain God feels towards His children. It was hard for me to enjoy my camp time when I was feeling the pain of so many around me. But throughout camp I started realizing that its a gift that I can feel Gods pain because its such an incredible way to reach out to people and love on them in the ways they need it.
        Ok, I have another one. So these past few months I had been struggling with feeling Gods love and mercy. I knew with ALL my heart that I wanted to pursue Him and desire Him, but it seemed that every time I prayed or worshipped Him I couldn't get anything out of it, so when camp came around I was at the point of wanting to just give up. I knew I couldn't meet all the standards of being a Christian, I felt that I was below all that and too unworthy. So faith night came around and we campers had the opportunity to get our feet washed and right when I heard that I had this shaky, uneasy feeling inside of me that stiffened my whole body. All night I was walking around all stiff and shaky. I had never experienced it before. All my emotions just went on pause and I couldn't cry or feel hurt or happiness or anything. Quite frankly it scared me. And every time I walked past the area where they were washing feet I got bad anxiety. I was pacing around trying to get up the nerve or even get the desire to talk to someone about it, I finally got the opportunity to talk to one of the counselors and by the point I started bawling and had no idea what to do with myself. I come up to him completely drained and scatter brained. And it came to conclusion that I had felt so unworthy and below the Christian lifestyle that I felt it would be wrong for me to get my feet washed. He explained to me my gifts and how God wants to use me with them first of all. And second, how NO ONE there deserved to get their feet washed, and we were all so unworthy of it but that’s the beauty in God; he WANTS to do that because he loves us way too much to not want to serve us. And thirdly, how he feels that the biggest and only standard that is important for us as Christians to meet is the desire to want God which I had, and that changed the way I looked at things. So, he brought me back and he personally washed my feet and prayed over me. The whole rest of the week and still up to this point I feel completely at peace with life and who God is. As he was praying for me that night I just sat there in peace and comfort. God is so good and the way he used the counselors this week was incredible."